I've been a little torn for a little while now... About some pressing issues at hand... I haven't wanted to write about it as all I'd get is questions from people wanting answers about who my thoughts are directed to. It drives me insane all I want to do is express myself without hurting anyone and really if I was talking about a specific person and they were to ask me if it was about them I'd clearly tell them yes or no.
Lately I've had another outlet for these thoughts as no one is able to access them and I've liked that for some time until recently when I've felt that maybe someone should be reading the thoughts. They're not suicidal or depressing sad thoughts just how I'm feeling at that point of time in regards to conversations I have and have not had... In regards to answering a txt or not answering a txt or picking up the phone or not or saying yea I'll be there and then not... Some people may know what I'm talking about and if you do please don't ask me if this is about such and such or if it's about this or that. I just need somewhere to write what I'm thinking without comments, criticism or questioning.
So I have only a handful of people who are currently my best friends and well I've never had best friends really as they don't always seem to stick it out with me or I've picked the wrong people in the past or we've moved on... I have SO MANY close friends and they all know who they are without having to ask me and all I'd really like is someone I can count on just like all my close friends have someone they can count on. If their best friends don't answer a txt or call they've always contacted back in some other way, shape or form and that's all I ask for in a friend. To call back when I need them to or send me a txt explaining why (which I've had on a few occasions but it just feels that they may have never existed at times) I miss my best friends so much; past and present. Though I love my present best friends as though they were in my lives for a lot longer than they have been I'd just wish we could go out as much as we used to rather than canceling on each other at like almost the last minute... Sure we have jobs and some of us children but there are times when we are free at the same time and it would just be nice to hang out even with the kids. Maybe after Christmas it will be different but I really don't know.
I'm really just missing friends in general hopefully this changes now that Christmas has come around Holidays and time to go out and such! Hopefully tomorrow night will be good, I've learnt not to get too excited about things but just to hope they end up according to plan or they end up being fun either way. Still it's a little disconcerting to not be able to look forward to things as much as I used to... I think I've had way too many people canceling on me or changing plans too often. That or I've just grown up and realised that things don't always go according to plan unless you have a contingency. Maybe I should put event management into practice more often into my every day life?
Anyways here's hoping I don't get too many questions in regards to this post! I'm going to go lie down for a little while my little princess sleeps too =)
Ciao for now!
Lor
